分享i am speechless

我的中文好像失语了一样，根本没法表达自己的想法，可能本来就没有想法吧。

speechless is a negative word to show u feel embarrassed for someone or sth else. for example, u r hanging out with ur friends for recreation. all of a sudden, she begins to monkey around. u cant help shooting at her , 'i am speechless'. still, nothing u can do to stop her messing around.

that speechless moment was triggered by the outside world. u can face it with serenity and WHO CARES attitude. but crude fact is that I just wanna write down my feelings n histories to do with Joey Yung, but i have no ideas at all. my brain is empty, like a blank sheet of paper.

i am at a loss for words. i mere type down some buzzwords like 牛逼 笑死. i am shamed of myself. i dont even how to WRITE. it seems like i never learn how to write in Chinese. i get stuck there. there is total silence in my room, only sound of the keyboard.

a vague sense of uneasiness steals over me for i dont even know how to describe a specific object or one person.not to mention to be a thought and well-planned guy. am i aiming to high?

i live in the society where my circle of friends try to cover their true deep feelings by buzzwords most people will use. i numb myself up by those buzzwords, too,simply and directly, effortlessly.

i can't swim with the wave anymore. i am done with it. such is the human nature that i prefer easy dopomine than hard-working happiness without thinking of it but just embracing it. i am always in my phone, watching short videos in Xiaohongshu……buzzwords r everywhere, that whyi can't just ignore.

how can i run away from all these? one day?

i urge myself to read 1 week. thus the optimal assumption is that i will read at least 52 books every year. but no, it's due in 53 days. then 2023 will say hi without accident.

how dare i to reject any ideas, action imposed on me as a nobody. but i have to say,when data-driven business booms, anonimity becomes priviledge. data is the enemy of individual privacy. the power of data is overrated when it cant be used in a positive way.how can data augment human being rather than controling me?

here comes a deep question!

how do i expand the scope and scale of consciousness so i can ask better question? i hate to be the one who swallow ideas manipulated by media or someone else before i chew and digest it thouroughly?

ps

buzzwords流行用语，yyds 牛逼 火钳刘明 sth like this, i cant find a substitute for it, oops. all i send to people in Wechat is emoji, memes, 嗯啊哦，啊对对对。i do feel sorry for it. therefor, i am reluctant to use wechat to give a short answer, since that is a BIG issue, i wanna discuss it, instead of giving u a runaround.